amblypygid

amblypygid @ 2008-12-10T07:50:00

2008-12-10T13:52:51Z

As many of you have probably noticed, I'm mainly posting over on Twitter these days. I've also removed people from my Twitter list who don't post (on the assumption that they're not reading either). So if anyone on Twitter is not posting but still reads all the time, let me know.

Come hear my choir sing!

2008-11-03T02:40:24Z

As some of you know, I am singing in a choir called The Waltham Abbey Singers. We are singing Robert Parsons' First Service (think Anglican mass) on Sunday November 16 at 7:30 at St. Clement's Episcopal Church (901 Portland Ave. St. Paul).

It's free, and whatever you think of Anglicans, their music is beautiful. You should come.

For M

2008-10-15T11:51:26Z

I AM 89% OPTIMUS PRIME

Take the Transformers Quiz

The annual moth nookie post

2008-07-08T20:09:53Z

The cecropias have been late emerging from their cocoons this year. Mine usually emerge around the middle of June, and here it is the second week of July. Apparently the cool spring slowed development down somewhat. Yesterday afternoon we finally had the first one hatch.

If you're interested in pictures and information about cecropias, look here http://aprairiehaven.com/modules/AMS/article.php?storyid=379 at the web site of the woman who I got my first caterpillars from several years back. The moths that are emerging this year are the great great grandcaterpillars of the first ones I got.

The first hatch was a female. When you raise cecropias, you usually let the males go right away. I keep one or two females to breed for this year's caterpillars. So this morning at 4:00, the kids and I put our female in a mesh cage outside. Female cecropia moths hardly fly at all; they're already hugely round and heavy and full of eggs when they emerge from the cocoon. So you can leave the female outside in an open cage without worrying about her escaping.

What she does is stick a tiny little spike out of her abdomen that's covered in pheromones. The pheromones start floating away on the breeze, and male moths can detect them from up to miles away. We all sat out on the back steps, a few feet from our moth, and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, around 4:30, just as it was beginning to get light, a huge male flew into the yard. Sometimes several males come to try to mate with the female, but this time I only saw one. I was happy about having any come, since it's so late in the season. You can hear the males flying from a distance because their huge wings make flapping noises, and they will do ANYTHING to get to the female. You can brush them aside, or try to scare them away, and they'll keep trying, bumping into you in the process if you stand there. I warned the kids the moths might fly into them, so they were prepared. Anyway, the extremely enthused male moth took about a minute to find his way into the female's cage.

When the male moth gets to the female, they start mating immediately. Any other moths that have been trying to find the female immediately give up. Then they stay together for the rest of the day, and tonight we'll let the male go (maybe he'll get lucky again with another female) and the female will lay eggs. The moths only live a week or two as adults; they don't even have mouths to eat.

You wouldn't think mating moths would be exciting, but sitting outside in the still-mostly-dark watching these huge, beautiful, flying creatures come from miles away to find the female is spectacular. I always feel like I'm in the middle of a David Attenborough nature special, and it's only four feet away in my own yard. The kids were entranced.

Are they worried about cooties?

2008-06-10T13:25:13Z

Why do people assume that children only play with members of the same sex? I just ran into someone who was apologizing to a neighbor because "We only have girls," and they couldn't set up a playdate with a boy who was close in age. The kids are five years old!

Overthinking

2008-06-03T19:25:03Z

kalikanzera Just posted something mentioning overthinking, and, well, it made me think.

I've never understood what "overthinking" is. I've been accused of doing it, though. "Just say what comes into your mind," people tell me. Or "Just do what you feel." Neither of these is very helpful to me. In Myers-Briggs terms, I'm a really strong thinker. Feelings often come only after I think about something and figure out how I feel about it. I know this can be hugely confusing to feelers who tend to have feelings first and then think about them. There isn't anything that "just comes into my mind." I don't feel like I'm a pot overflowing with stuff that I have dammed up all the time. It's not a matter of just removing the dam and letting things spill out. Things have to be picked up and looked at and analyzed before they come out in any way. There's not much to come out unless I think about it.

So back to overthinking. Does overthinking mean thinking instead of feeling? That doesn't seem right to me; thinking and feeling are both good and important, and I don't know why feeling would necessarily be better than thinking. Does overthinking mean analyzing things? I can't figure out what's wrong with analysis; I like it and it helps me understand myself and others and the world. Does overthinking mean obsessing about something to a degree that makes you unhappy with your life and unable to make decisions? I can see why that would be a bad thing. But why is that overthinking? Isn't that obsessing? Is there a difference?

I have the feeling that the people who accuse me of overthinking will look at this post and say, see, you're overthinking now! Because, after all, I'm trying to figure something out that seems obvious to a lot of people. But it's not obvious to me, and how else can I figure it out?

Edit: resolute tells me overthinking is a term used mainly by Myers Briggs feelers.

Pirates and Mermaids

2008-05-09T01:18:12Z

Underwater Adventures is a really cool aquarium. We love going through the huge clear tubes and watching the fish swim overhead.

But must they put "Pirates" and "Mermaids" on their bathrooms? The first time I saw this I stood for several minutes thinking "WHAT?" Then I realized pirates were supposed to be male and mermaids were supposed to be female. Then I started my internal rant about gender stereotypes. Why can't boys be mermaids (or mermen, I suppose)? Why can't girls be pirates?

If anyone is moved to join me in complaining about this, here's the place to do it: http://www.sharky.tv/inq/asksharky.htm

Personality test

2008-04-25T10:24:17Z

My Personality


Neuroticism	4
Extraversion	27
Openness to Experience	38
Agreeableness	15
Conscientiousness	35

You are a calm person who is considered almost fearless by some, however you do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find yourself tempted to overindulge. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You would prefer to sit back and smell the roses than indulge in high energy activities. You tend not to express your emotions openly and are sometimes not even aware of your own feelings. You do not enjoy confrontation, but you will stand up for yourself or push your point if you feel it is important, however you believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

The best Dangle Earrings

Socialization

2008-04-21T14:58:48Z

These days almost everyone knows someone who homeschools, and most people don't bat an eye when I mention that we're homeschooling. Not very long ago, though, many people felt compelled to give unsolicited advice when I mentioned homeschooling. And the most common piece of advice was "It's a bad idea; the children will not be socialized." I'm pretty sure that a lot of people still think this; they just don't say it out loud.

I understand that this complaint comes from a misunderstanding. People imagine homeschoolers as radical Christian fundamentalists who are trying to shield their children from contact with the world. Or they imagine the 2008 version of hippie parents who let their children run wild and teach them only about crystal healing and doing whatever you want in life. There are, of course, some homeschoolers like this. But many are not. We homeschool not because we don't want the children exposed to the world, but because we want to expose them to a wider world than they could experience if they spent seven hours a day in school. So the kids learn to read and write and do math. But we also have time to visit the science museum and go to art galleries. The kids learn to inline skate and swim and play the piano and swing on a trapeze. They build circuits and electromagnets. We take long walks where I show them how to identify plants and insects. They are learning Spanish now, during the years when it's easiest to learn a second language. They do carpentry and art projects. We go to concerts and community events and robot competitions. And, in addition to doing these things, they have time to play with each other and their friends. We don't have to choose between after school activities and family time and playing with friends; there is time for all those things.

But back to socialization. There is, I think, a confusion about the difference between socialization and socializing. Both are important, but they're different things. Socializing is spending time being social with people. It includes playing with your siblings, spending time with a friend, and running with a group of neighborhood kids. The kids do all of those things. Twice a week we go on field trips with other homeschooled kids where the children have time to learn and play. The kids are in circus school and K takes dance classes, and they have friends at those places. We belong to a playgroup for kids adopted from Guatemala. We have regular playdates with other kids. And the kids play in the neighborhood. There are ten kids between the ages of 3-6 just on our block, and on nice days they all run outside together exploring the world.

Socialization is something else. Socialization is the process by which people learn to get along with other people and be good, happy, productive members of society. It's not just about playing with other children. It's about learning to get along with all sorts of people, including those who are a different age, race, or sex from you. It's about learning social skills, including how to be polite to people, how to include others and make them feel at ease, and how to say no kindly but firmly. It's about developing social confidence, so you don't feel shy or intimated by others and can make your own way in the world. It's about learning to be a gracious winner and loser at games. It's about learning to be fair and honest and kind in your dealings with other people, and learning that while most others are fair and honest and kind, a few people are not, and you need to protect yourself against that.

One way to help develop these skills is by playing with other children. And the kids do that. But that's not the only way to be socialized. In fact, the kind of socialization many kids get in a school setting is pretty limited. Teachers try to teach social values, but there's not a great deal of time to do that with lots of children and the importance of academic subjects too. There's some opportunity to practice social skills with other children, but interactions in school tend to be limited to those with your same age peers. In addition, when something goes wrong, and children are being bullied or beaten up, there's not much recourse. Adults often say "work it out." Children do not have the power that adults do to leave a bad situation. If someone is consistently cruel or regularly tries to physically hurt me at work, and talking does not solve the problem, as an adult I have many options. I can complain to management. I can involve the police. If worse comes to worse I can leave and get a new job. I do not have to keep going back to a place where I will be harassed and hurt every day.

For the most part, it is adults who socialize the next generation, not other children. Children, left to themselves, will not necessarily learn to be polite and friendly and kind. Those are skills that need to be taught by the grownups in a society. That's a major part of what childrearing is about.

M and K spend time with a wide range of adults and children. They are friendly and welcoming with kids of all ages. At an age where most of their peers have started playing in same sex groups, they play with both boys and girls. They enjoy babies and older children, and they welcome siblings and different age kids into their groups. They are polite and well-behaved and understand appropriate behavior for different settings (strangers often come up and tell them what well-behaved children they are). They are comfortable at nice restaurants, concerts, parades, and playgrounds. They have close friends and are also willing to ask strangers to play. When someone says no it's not crushing; they just ask someone else. But most people say yes. They are learning that if you are friendly and kind to others, most people respond in the same way. Their social skills are not perfect, obviously. They are young children. But they do very well.

I hear a lot of people say, well, the world is a cruel place, and it's just as well that kids learn it while they're young. The best way to learn it is spending a lot of time in large groups of their peers. I'm always confused by this. Are they implying, for instance, that one should make sure ones children have experiences being bullied and beat up so that they'll be used to it by adulthood? Obviously everyone should learn that there are mean and thoughtless people in the world, but that's not something that requires constant interaction with those people. What I want the kids to learn is how to not be socially cowed by those people, and to remain self-confident in spite of them.

As far as I can tell, children who are in school do not have better social skills than the homeschooled kids I know. In fact, in our neighborhood, the three children who have the poorest social skills (they either don't want to play with the other kids or are overly insistent on having their own way every time and can't negotiate) are the ones who have been in all day preschool and kindergarten. The kids who have spent more time with adults but still plenty of time playing with other kids are more poised, polite, friendly, and self-confident. My experience is, of course, anecdotal. But studies bear this out. The studies that have been done on the social skills of homeschooled children indicate that there is either no difference in the two groups or that homeschooled kids have slightly better skills.

We are, I think, encouraged to think that there is only one right way to bring up children, and that is to send them to school. It's very similar to thinking that the only right way to bring up children is in a two-parent heterosexual married-couple family. Now obviously, homeschooling is not for everyone. It takes a lot of time. It's hard to do if all the parents have full time jobs, and it involves spending more time with your kids than some people want to. I'm glad that there are lots of options, and people can choose the kind of education they want for their children. I just wish that, in the same way people should realize that lots of different family configurations work, lots of different ways of schooling work.

Meme

2008-04-04T18:18:02Z

from resolute

According to your ex you are...?
Misguided. But maybe not actually evil, though I'm not sure.

Do you tell your best friend(s) EVERYTHING?
Sort of. I'm careful about the way I present it.

How do you feel today?
I have a cold and am dreading the work I'm putting off, but I'm also really happy spring is finally here! (55 degrees! Sunny!)

When was the last time you had butterflies?
Hm. I don't remember. I don't get nervous very often.

If you're single, why?
I think I was last single in 1989. At the time I just wanted to be on my own for a while.

What were the last two TV shows you watched?
I don't watch broadcast TV, but resolute and I have been watching Bones on DVD.

Who's a celebrity you find extremely attractive?
I usually find characters attractive rather than celebrities. But I currently think Emily Deschanel's character on Bones is extremely appealing.

Something you say often?
Really!?

Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
Relaxing because we're on spring break from the usual Saturday morning Circus School. Being outside. Seeing Cavorter in the afternoon.

Do you like your name?
It's fine. Overly common, but at least everyone knows how to spell and pronounce it.

What's your favorite song?
Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring

Do you like being in pictures?
Eh. Not so much. I don't usually look good in them. But I don't object strongly, either.

Do you tend to fall for people easily?
Not at all.

Is your bedroom window open?
When it gets warmer, yes.

What were you doing at 10:00 am?
Shopping at Target.

Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
It depends on the circumstances.

Do you wear Crocs?
Yes. I have both winter and summer ones, and I LOVE them.

What do you smell like?
I don't really know. Probably my shampoo and conditioner.

What's your favorite Gatorade flavor?
Ick. No Gatorade for me.

Do you have Justin Timberlake music on your iPod/mp3/phone?
No.

Can you sleep in jeans?
Occasionally, when I'm too lazy to take them off when I nap.

Something you just don't understand?
Many people's motivations. I keep trying though.

Have you ever dated someone named Derek?
No.

What color shirt are you wearing?
Purple t-shirt; blue denim long sleeved shirt.

What is the holiday closest to your b-day?
Mother's Day

Have you broken a bone or had stitches?
No broken bones, but quite a few stitches.

Have you ever done anything you regret while being drunk?
I've actually never been drunk.

Anything hurt on your body right now?
No, though I'm all sniffly from my cold.

Are you moody in the morning?
Usually I am Perky! in the morning, sometimes to the chagrin of those who are not morning people.

Have you ever consulted a psychic?
No.

Have you ever actually overheard one of your friends talking shit about you?
No.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Mostly, yes. Though there are some exceptions.

New rides

2008-03-19T18:05:04Z

This morning we went to Nickelodeon Universe for the first time. NU is the new amusement park inside the Mall of America; it's been expanded since the days when it was Camp Snoopy.

K is becoming a thrill ride junkie, and will go on anything they'll let her on. So we rode the Splat-O-Sphere together. It pulls you up 60 feet and then drops you. And then it does it again. And again. I kept trying to prepare K for the fact that the ride might be scary, and she listened with that "Mother, I'm fine" expression that children get. But there was a nine year old that got off crying just before we got on, so I was a little worried. I needn't have been, though. K loved it. She also went on the flume and GhostBlasters, a haunted house ride where you shoot at ghosts.

M is more cautious about rides (I was at his age too; my parents took me to Disneyland and then I didn't want to go on the rides). He jumped inside the huge pineapple jumper, and rode the Blues Clues cars that go up and down when you press the buttons.

Resolute kindly watched the kids drive the kid bumper cars (M was put out that people were bumping into him when he was working on his driving) while I went on the Rock Bottom Plunge: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SpongeBob_SquarePants_Rock_Bottom_Plunge. The important part of this ride is the part where you climb vertically and then go back down vertically, as you can see in the photo. That was fun. Otherwise the ride isn't all that thrilling, though it has several upside down loops and twists. Those aren't so much my thing. I like big drops and "air time," that feeling of weightlessness you get on some rollercoasters just as you reach the crest of a hill. I was pretty happy to have gone on it once though.

I skipped the Avatar Airbender. Imagine a huge skateboard doing a half pipe 60 feet up while you sit in a spinning chair on it. It looked fun, but my tolerance for spinning rides has, to my disappointment, decreased as I've gotten older. I commiserated about this with other people my age in the lines.

Men, women, and mentoring kids

2008-03-19T13:13:36Z

As M gets to the age where he is more like a communicating human being rather than a baby, I have noticed something about the way men and older boys interact with younger boys.

The older boys and men that M meets out in the world have a serious, "let me introduce you into the world of maleness" attitude when they talk with M. They listen carefully to what he says, and try out conversations about traditional manly pursuits (vehicles, weapons, technology). They act as mentors. In some ways they're more careful and attentive than the women who interact with M. They take him seriously, and he responds.

Women and older girls seem to generally interact with both young boys and girls as nurturers. They play, talk, and help when things go wrong. They instruct in manners and social norms. But there is very little weighty mentoring going on.

Men and women even use different terms when talking to kids. Women use kids' names or terms of endearment (Sweetie, Honey). Men talking to M rarely use his name, and they certainly don't use terms of endearment. They call him Dude, Sir, Buddy.

Resolute thinks this is related to the assumption that most care of young children is done by women in our culture. By the time kids get to be four or five or six, men start having to pass on male cultural traditions that kids do not necessarily learn in the same way from women. Women don't have that same experience, because they've been taking care of kids all along. Or if they haven't, there's a cultural expectation that some woman has been caring for the kids. So girls are not, at a certain age, inducted into being female in quite the same way boys are inducted into being male. Women don't have a sense that they have to make up for lost time when girls were cared for by men and didn't have much training in what it meant to be female.

Along with this seems to come an awkwardness in the way many men and older boys often interact with young girls. For the most part men aren't encouraged to be nurturers with young children. And there's no culturally appropriate mentoring role to slide into instead. I've noticed that men often aren't sure what to call young girls. They can't say Dude, or Buddy. They don't usually use names. Mostly they don't call young girls anything. In fact, I rarely see men interact with young girls at all, unless they're fathers. I suppose this is in part related to fears about sexual abuse allegations, which is unfortunate, because it seems important to both young girls and boys to have both male and female role models.

Biology fact of the day

2008-03-05T20:18:56Z

Gastric brooding frogs raise their young in their stomachs http://www.environment.gov.au/soe/2006/publications/emerging/frogs/images/fig1.jpg

Unfortunately, it looks like they may be extinct.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric-brooding_Frog

Leonardo's Basement

2008-03-03T19:01:33Z

The kids are taking a Monday morning class at Leonardo's Basement http://www.leonardosbasement.org/. This is one of the coolest places ever. You walk in the door, go down to the basement, and there is . . . well . . . stuff. Wheels, wood, metal, tools, feathers, cardboard, motors, pianos, magnets, spools, plastic bits, nails, bells, boxes, tape, screws. You name it, and it's probably there. Other projects that were sitting around waiting to be completed included a set of armor, an organ, robots, every kind of sculpture imaginable, and at least one Rube Goldberg machine. And speaking of Rube Goldberg machines, here's a video of one that someone at the workshop built: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hh0etTSI9Dg.

There are only three kids in the 4-5 year old class, including my kids. W, the teacher, gave us a tour of the workshop, showed the kids where the tools were (the only things she told them not to touch were the utility knives. The four and five year olds were using saws and drills and assorted other tools generally associated with children well over the age of four.), and asked them what they wanted to build. K and M decided on airplanes. So W gave them a few suggestions, and showed them how to measure and cut wood for the body and wings, and hammer the pieces together. They started work on rollerblade-wheel landing gear, which will have to be completed next week. Also, M wants to glue missiles to his plane with a hot glue gun.

The planes look like the kind of thing you'd expect small children to create. But the thing is, the kids did most of the work themselves. The grownups helped a little with design suggestions, and with sawing and hammering when the kids got tired or weren't quite strong enough. But overall the kids designed and built them. And the kids run around the shop freely, looking at things and experimenting with stuff.

Maybe if I'd learned these things when I was four, I'd be better at building things today. I'm hoping my kids will learn that they can make lots of things by themselves if they learn how to work at it, and problem-solve, and try new ways of doing things if the first ten ways didn't work. The t-shirts at the place say Design<-->Build<-->Test (all in a circle with arrows leading back to the beginning). Leonardo's Basement is made for that.

Spiders

2008-02-24T14:00:01Z

Last night there was a spider party.

What do you do at a spider party?

1. Look at spiders.
2. Look at more spiders.
3. Look at still more spiders.
4. Observe the many spider decorations in the house, including the string of 21 tiny Christmas stockings, each with the name of one of the family's tarantulas on it.
5. Hold spiders ("The faster they move, the more you should hold still.")
6. Supervise small children holding spiders.
7. Win a door prize. She's an Oklahoma Brown tarantula, http://animal-world.com/encyclo/reptiles/spiders/OklahomaBrownTarantula.php and her name is Shelob.
8. Take home goodie bags filled with gummy spiders, toy spiders, and spiderman candy.
9. Place Shelob's cage in the children's room ("Pleeeaaaassse can we have the spider in our room!?")

Biology fact of the day

2008-02-23T11:32:28Z

Many caterpillars are camouflauged very cleverly as bird poop:

The giant swallowtail: http://www.ragamuffin.com/GST%20harness.jpg

spicebush swallowtail: http://muskogeephoenixonline.com/blogs/MollyDay/uploaded_images/spicebush-swallowtail-butterfly-caterpillar-744344.jpg

eastern tiger swallowtail: http://www.duke.edu/~jspippen/butterflies/cat070826-1710millis.rdz.jpg

viceroy: http://www.frw.ca/albums/Insects/P1030414_RJ_03_Beare_Borrowpit.jpg

Terribly Important Question

2008-02-22T14:29:31Z

Does being in charge of the household laundry mean that the person is also in charge of throwing away broken hangers in closets?

Four Things Meme

2008-02-18T15:01:43Z

A) Four jobs I have had in my life (other than current job)
Title insurance clerk, machinist, painter, receptionist

B) Four movies I would watch over and over
Singin' in the Rain, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, October Sky, Parenthood

C) Four places I have lived
London, England; Brussels, Belgium; Chicago, Illinois, Canton, New York

D) Four TV shows that I watch
I don't watch TV, but on DVD I like Doctor Who, Bones, Friday Night Lights, and anything by David Attenborough

E) Four places I have been
Tangiers, Morocco; Leningrad, Soviet Union; Guatemala City, Guatemala; New York City, U.S.A.

F) People who e-mail me regularly
B50, Cavorter, Resolute, Nic

G) Four of my favourite foods
Ramen noodles, mushrooms, hot pot, chocolate

H) Four places I would rather be right now
I like it most where I am at the moment, but the two places I most often want to visit are the London Natural History Museum (which I spent days wandering through as a kid) and any deserted, warm beach. I'd even settle for a not-warm beach; I love the ocean.

J) Four things I am looking forward to this year
Getting my current batch of papers graded so I don't have to worry about them, summer vacation from work, new classes at Circus Juventas, finding out what Leonardo's Basement is like.

K) Four (of my) favourite authors
Janet Kagan, David Attenborough, James Herriot, Alison Bechdel

The socializing of children

2008-02-16T19:57:51Z

I just dropped K off at a birthday party. Now, K is blessed with social skills. She is an extrovert, and plays equally well with boys and girls and kids of all ages. She's polite, and she picks up on body language and tone and the sorts of things that make social interaction easier. So even though she didn't know anyone except the birthday girl at this party, and the rest of the kids seemed to know each other, she ran off happily with the group.

But I noticed some things, watching the kids' social interactions. For one thing, this was the first all-girl birthday party K has been to. All girls, all the same age, and all in party dresses. My eyes got kind of wide, though I suppose five is the age this starts to happen. I'm wondering if soon, my kids will mostly only have same-sex and same-age friends until junior high or high school or whenever it starts to change again.

I also noticed that K, so far, is not afraid of social interactions. She is friendly and kind and welcoming to everyone, and she expects that in return. I remember being that way too, when I was very young. But then, in first or second grade, I learned that being open and welcoming and friendly was risky. The risk of rejection and cruelty and meanness was high enough to make me wary. And somewhere along the line I learned to be very cautious about each new social interaction.

It's sort of sad to think of K acquiring that cautiousness. It's so good to watch how unafraid she is right now, and I hate to think about her becoming afraid and wary. I'm not sure if it's inevitable or not, or if homeschooling will make a difference. I remember it being a pretty universal thing; it just wasn't possible to socially survive without being wary. And I wasn't all that much of a social outcast. I was a geek, but I always had plenty of friends. Maybe there are some people who manage it better. Maybe being an extrovert helps. Maybe some people are just more resilient.

In any case, as a parent, you send your kids out in the world and hope for the best.

Danger

2008-02-13T22:20:44Z

I keep reading news stories where parents are criticized for leaving children alone at home, or letting them wander around the mall without an adult, or play in the neighborhood without parental supervision. And I'm confused about what I perceive to be big changes in this since my childhood.

I remember starting to play out in the neighborhood alone around age six. Staying home alone around age nine. Going to the mall with friends at age ten or eleven. Babysitting other kids at age eleven or twelve. But so many parents seem reluctant to let their kids out alone at all. I've talked to people who won't let their ten year olds walk to school.

I know people are afraid of kidnappers and child molesters and goodness knows what else. But the risk of these things seems very low to me. All the statistics I've read seem to indicate that the rate of this sort of crime is actually lower than when I was a kid. And there seems to be another kind of risk in never letting children out of your sight. How will they become independent and self-confident without the opportunity to practice doing things on their own?

K will be five this week. We let her go out alone to deliver birthday invitations by herself to the neighborhood kids. I did watch when she was going out and coming back to see she crossed the one (not busy) street safely, and looked out the window a couple times to check on her (most of the houses were within sight of our own). We had a talk before she left about how to handle any situations that came up. She came back proud and happy.

Now, K is pretty mature for her age. M is 4 1/2, and he's definitely not ready to go out by himself yet. But it won't be too long before he's ready too. I'm wondering how to balance my views of this with what appear to be different expectations these days. I remember that the police were called because a ten year old was at the Mall of America alone, and I was thinking, what trouble is he going to get into at the mall at age ten? I would let my kids go to the mall at that age.

So. What do people think is reasonable? When are kids ready to do things alone?

Cell phones

2008-02-09T17:52:19Z

I have to admit to being a Luddite and being the only person in the U.S. who doesn't yet own a cell phone.

The thing is, I don't want a cell phone. I HATE carrying things around. I avoid carrying a wallet and refuse to carry a purse. I hate keeping track of stuff. I hate things weighing down my pockets. And I don't mind people not being able to get a hold of me at a moment's notice. I also don't want to spend money on something I don't want in the first place.

But obviously I'm in the very tiny minority. The world now assumes that everyone has a cell phone. When I went to the hospital with resolute for her surgery, the hospital staff were positively affronted that I didn't have a cell phone they could call. When I go to buildings where the door is locked, people assume I will be able to call them on my cell phone so they can come let me in. When I'm meeting people in crowded places, people assume that they can call me to coordinate exactly where and when we're meeting, instead of arranging it before hand. These people are upset that I don't have a cell phone. It's no longer just a matter of my wishes, because I'm inconveniencing others by not having a phone, since the expectation is that I'll have one.

I'm not sure what to do about this. I still don't want a cell phone. But maybe it's worth it to get one if my lack of one is a big pain for others.

Biology fact of the day

2008-02-01T15:26:26Z

Leopard slugs mate while dangling from slime strings.

Photos of leopard slug sex here: http://members.optushome.com.au/awnelson/davidavid/slug/

And video here (narrated by David Attenborough): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtgPAQTJLQs

Biology fact of the day

2008-01-31T16:40:26Z

All right, this one isn't really a fact.

But, my nomination for the ugliest animal in existence is the naked mole rat: http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=naked+mole+rats&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2

I often think humans must be genetically programmed to think furry things are more attractive than non-furry things. But then again, this doesn't say much for the attractiveness of human beings, who are, in my opinion, definitely in the fur-deficient camp.

Introducing

2008-01-30T20:12:42Z

Biology fact of the day!

Today's fact: There are carnivorous caterpillars.

http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0306/feature6/index.html?fs=animals-panther.nationalgeographic.com

The National Geographic article is pretty sensationalistic, but these caterpillars really do eat meat, mostly other insects.

Transgender politics for four year olds

2008-01-25T12:58:59Z

The other day the kids asked me "how do men change into women and women change into men?"

I found this question harder to answer than I had expected. Because I couldn't think of any way of explaining that didn't start with, "There are boy things and girl things." I finally resorted to "people do things that make them feel and look like and be perceived as a man or a woman." And that still came much too close to "There are boy things and girl things" than I wanted.

I'm trying really hard to dissuade my kids from being gender essentialists, and preschoolers have tendencies in that direction already. I also want them to be accepting of and happy with a wide range of gender expression.

This is complicated.