amblypygid (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} amblypygid) wrote,@ 2008-03-19 07:39:00 |
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Men, women, and mentoring kids
As M gets to the age where he is more like a communicating human being rather than a baby, I have noticed something about the way men and older boys interact with younger boys.
The older boys and men that M meets out in the world have a serious, "let me introduce you into the world of maleness" attitude when they talk with M. They listen carefully to what he says, and try out conversations about traditional manly pursuits (vehicles, weapons, technology). They act as mentors. In some ways they're more careful and attentive than the women who interact with M. They take him seriously, and he responds.
Women and older girls seem to generally interact with both young boys and girls as nurturers. They play, talk, and help when things go wrong. They instruct in manners and social norms. But there is very little weighty mentoring going on.
Men and women even use different terms when talking to kids. Women use kids' names or terms of endearment (Sweetie, Honey). Men talking to M rarely use his name, and they certainly don't use terms of endearment. They call him Dude, Sir, Buddy.
Resolute thinks this is related to the assumption that most care of young children is done by women in our culture. By the time kids get to be four or five or six, men start having to pass on male cultural traditions that kids do not necessarily learn in the same way from women. Women don't have that same experience, because they've been taking care of kids all along. Or if they haven't, there's a cultural expectation that some woman has been caring for the kids. So girls are not, at a certain age, inducted into being female in quite the same way boys are inducted into being male. Women don't have a sense that they have to make up for lost time when girls were cared for by men and didn't have much training in what it meant to be female.
Along with this seems to come an awkwardness in the way many men and older boys often interact with young girls. For the most part men aren't encouraged to be nurturers with young children. And there's no culturally appropriate mentoring role to slide into instead. I've noticed that men often aren't sure what to call young girls. They can't say Dude, or Buddy. They don't usually use names. Mostly they don't call young girls anything. In fact, I rarely see men interact with young girls at all, unless they're fathers. I suppose this is in part related to fears about sexual abuse allegations, which is unfortunate, because it seems important to both young girls and boys to have both male and female role models.
As M gets to the age where he is more like a communicating human being rather than a baby, I have noticed something about the way men and older boys interact with younger boys.
The older boys and men that M meets out in the world have a serious, "let me introduce you into the world of maleness" attitude when they talk with M. They listen carefully to what he says, and try out conversations about traditional manly pursuits (vehicles, weapons, technology). They act as mentors. In some ways they're more careful and attentive than the women who interact with M. They take him seriously, and he responds.
Women and older girls seem to generally interact with both young boys and girls as nurturers. They play, talk, and help when things go wrong. They instruct in manners and social norms. But there is very little weighty mentoring going on.
Men and women even use different terms when talking to kids. Women use kids' names or terms of endearment (Sweetie, Honey). Men talking to M rarely use his name, and they certainly don't use terms of endearment. They call him Dude, Sir, Buddy.
Resolute thinks this is related to the assumption that most care of young children is done by women in our culture. By the time kids get to be four or five or six, men start having to pass on male cultural traditions that kids do not necessarily learn in the same way from women. Women don't have that same experience, because they've been taking care of kids all along. Or if they haven't, there's a cultural expectation that some woman has been caring for the kids. So girls are not, at a certain age, inducted into being female in quite the same way boys are inducted into being male. Women don't have a sense that they have to make up for lost time when girls were cared for by men and didn't have much training in what it meant to be female.
Along with this seems to come an awkwardness in the way many men and older boys often interact with young girls. For the most part men aren't encouraged to be nurturers with young children. And there's no culturally appropriate mentoring role to slide into instead. I've noticed that men often aren't sure what to call young girls. They can't say Dude, or Buddy. They don't usually use names. Mostly they don't call young girls anything. In fact, I rarely see men interact with young girls at all, unless they're fathers. I suppose this is in part related to fears about sexual abuse allegations, which is unfortunate, because it seems important to both young girls and boys to have both male and female role models.
